fysigunkus | jay hathaway dot com

Just like every other American kid born in the early 80’s, I was an enormous fan of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles TV series. I loved it more than any other cartoon, and I rushed home from work with my mom every evening to watch it. When we had to stay with friends for a couple of nights — uh, because of a problem — the grown-ups made everything ok by giving me a new Leonardo action figure to play with.

At 24, I suddenly realized there was a hell of a lot I still didn’t know about the Ninja Turtles. For example, I had never read the original comic books by Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird, and I certainly hadn’t seen every episode of the Turtles show. Besides that, aren’t the Turtles still on TV? I remembered seeing something about a new series that came out around 2003, and of course the movie from last year. So I did some research and discovered that the Turtles are even more awesome than I realized when I was 7.

One important thing I didn’t know is that, although some hardcore Turtle fans consider the first TV run the definitive version of Turtles, the new series stays a lot closer to the plot of the original comic books, which were too dark for kids’ TV in the late 80’s. Although the comics were definitely more violent (the Turtles actually get cut up quite a bit in some serious fights!), they were driven by the sense of humor that comes along with any honest tale of cameraderie among a group of teenagers.

Here’s a list of the most interesting Turtle trivia I never knew as a kid. I hope it brings back some memories for you, and gives you a reason to check out the recent Turtles stuff, which is still heavily influenced by co-creator Peter Laird:

• In the comic books, April O’Neil wasn’t always a reporter. She was a computer whiz who worked with Baxter Stockman to create the first Mouser robots. She ran into the Turtles while trying to escape Baxter after discovering he was using the Mousers to knock over banks.

• Unlike in the 1987 TV version, Baxter Stockman was black. He also never turned into a fly.

• Casey Jones was a much more important character in the comic than in the TV series, and he was April’s love interest. The Turtles spent quite a few issues hiding at his family home in Northampton, MA (the real-life headquarters of Eastman and Laird’s Mirage Studios).

• Ninja Turtles don’t date. According to the director of the 2007 TMNT movie, one of Peter Laird’s rules for anyone who writes the Ninja Turtles is that “turtles are not interested in girls – at all. … It’s like you having a crush on a French poodle.”

• Some of the villains in the show were actually Turtle allies in the comic. For example, the Turtles teamed up with Leatherhead to defeat a rotten big-game hunter.

• The British version of TMNT was actually TMHT, Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles. At the time, “ninja” was considered too violent for British kids’ TV. There was also a prohibition against nunchucks, so Michelangelo went entire seasons without using his. Eventually he got a hook-type weapon called the Turtle Line.

• The creators originally spelled Michelangelo’s name “Michaelangelo,” but the official spelling was changed around the time of the second TV series.

• For anyone who’s only seen the show, the lack of pizza in the comics will seem pretty conspicuous.

• There was a fifth Ninja Turtle, but you should forget all about her. She was only part of the (non-canon) live action TV show that was produced in 1997-1998 by the Power Rangers’ Haim Saban. She went by Venus de Milo, and Peter Laird disavows all knowledge of her. His very sensible reason has to do with the “turtles don’t date” idea. A lot of the plots in the comic hinge on the Turtles’ existential quandaries about being the only specimens of their kind. A girl Turtle would certainly throw a monkey wrench into those stories. Never ever mentioning this fifth Turtle is another one of Laird’s rules.

• Also, the Turtles don’t have fingernails. They just don’t.

The adventures of the Turtles are ongoing, so here’s where to look if you’re interested in rediscovering them:

• ninjaturtles.com is the official Mirage Studios Ninja Turtles site. There’s tons of great information there, including the story of how Eastman and Laird created the TMNT, and all the comics up to issue 11. They seem to be adding more regularly.

• You can watch all of the episodes of the latest Ninja Turtles series, and Ninja Turtles Fast Forward here. (Dang, those Turtles sure do love their time travel!)

• The Turtles are starring in a new show this fall, that takes place when they return from their time traveling adventures to find out that one year has passed, and Baxter Stockman is back. (He’s back to his original black character design, too.)

• The comics are still going strong. Tales of the TMNT has several new issues planned for later this year. Veteran Turtles writers and artists seem to be involved, so these should be awesome! Check ninjaturtles.com and your local comic shop for info.

Oh, and just as a side note and an absurd flight of fancy: if Pete or anyone from Mirage happens to be reading this, writing a Ninja Turtles story was my dream job when I was 8, and it turns out that hasn’t changed. Give me a call!