I live in an apartment that’s previously been occupied by a lot of other law students. Judging by the bulk mail that comes in from credit card companies, a lot of businesses think about 10 people still live here. So what to do with all this paper spam, all these Business Reply Mail envelopes?
I found a great answer a while ago at dearbulkmailer.com, and I wanted to pass it on to you. The mysterious person behind dearbulkmailer provides an ingenious method for having fun with your junk mail and letting the mailers foot the bill.
All you have to do is securely box up something heavy that you don’t want anymore, and tape the Business Reply Mail envelope to the outside. Deliver to post office, send, repeat. They did it with bricks, but it works with anything. I decided to use a broken coffee maker. The brilliant part is that the companies that spam you will have to pay something like 20 cents to the Postal Service for every ounce you send.
I expect the good people at Bank of America’s new credit card accounts division won’t be too upset to receive my decrepit coffee machine. Heck, the dearbulkmailer site started when the author received a similar package at the magazine he works for. The postal workers I talked to were cheerful about the whole thing, and didn’t ask any questions, other than “Dropping that off?”
So, the next time you get annoyed at bulk mail, give this prank a shot. Out of consideration for the folks this is supposed to support, the postal service delivery people, I wouldn’t try mailing anything too heavy. Your donation won’t count for much if you break someone’s back and the USPS has to foot the medical bills!
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Need more? Check my tumblr, 
You know, there are a lot of thing I have to get rid of by May that shouldn’t just be thrown out, but certainly can’t be sold… brilliant.
I use those envelopes to collect all the junk around my desk, but I never thought of sending anything massive. That’s brilliant.
This may be the first time I’m my life that I’m eager to get junk mail.
That’s fantastic.
What could I send them? Hmmm…
I am currently working on a project that involves credit cards in junk mail send outs, more on that later.
That is one of the most ingenious ideas I’ve heard of in a long while.
Too bad there isn’t something similar you could do for telemarketers.
Sadly, there is no way to do the same to telemarketers. But, you can amuse yourself with them. When people call me to sell me things and they annoy me, I have found the following tactics are useful:
1. If it is a woman, then I ask her what she is wearing. Hell, some guys pay per minute for that sort of thing.
2. I try to sell them some new service or product I just made up (Quantum Dust Busters or Ontological Oatmeal, for example).
3. I try to convert them to a new religion, such as the Church of Truth & Darkness.
4. I put my husky on the phone.
5. I tell them I cannot hear them over the voices screaming in my head.
6. I switch to a made up language- “Kubork dugu oplento mongho?”
7. I start singing old 1980s rock classics.
8. I put the phone by the toilet and flush repeatedly while complaining about last night’s chili.
9. I start telling stories about when I was a kid.
10. I pretend I’ve died.
Somewhat less than mature, but strangely satisfying.
Excellent post!
This is awesome. I’m definitely going to save my junk mail from now on!
Thanks to you, I think the ABA is about to make a nice donation to the USPS. They’re all the about the giving, right?
Thanks for the tip.
This was debunked way back in 1984:
http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a2_356.html
This is a FABULOUS solution!!!!
mlabossi, as someone who’s been stuck with a telemarketing job before, telemarketers are generally getting paid crap wages and don’t actually like making those calls any more than you like receiving them. What you’re doing is kinda like complaining to the cashiers at McDonalds about the quality of the food or the actions of the company—chances are they’re not working there because they love and endorse the company’s behavior or product but because their job options are limited. While responses like that are entertaining for you, they make the telemarketer’s day at a shitty job even shittier. A polite “Definitely not interested, no thanks” is wonderful to hear, even as it means no bonus or often no pay (some telemarkeing jobs are commission-only).
Genius!
Perhaps you could get free Books of Mormon and mail *those* to the junk mailers.
I love this. So. damn. Much.
wow, that’s great… I’m going to have to try that out…
thanks!